Bow Chicka Bow Bow: #boobday

I was woken up at 0745 yesterday morning by a very loud banging at the door. Hair askew, eyes crusted shut, I wandered into my entrance lobby to make sure that the noise of fists hitting wood wasn’t coming from the flats either side of mine, but no- someone needed to speak to me, and it was urgent. I wasn’t really entirely compos mentis, so I opened the door without thinking, and was greeted by a heating engineer who’d come to check my boiler.

I was wearing this top. There wasn’t any nipple on show, but pretty much everything else was: ‘A lot of landscape’, as I later put it. I bought this top when I was still living in hostels but then couldn’t really wear it, because it’s so revealing that I’d wake up in the morning and my tits would be entirely on show, which was inappropriate. I am definitely an exhibitionist but everyone concerned has to consent to seeing my nipples, really, or the vibe just won’t be right.

I realised what I’d done as soon as I heard the slight note of surprise in the engineer’s voice as he wished me Guten Morgen, and ran to put on a jumper before I let him in, but it was all a little bit Accidental BowChickaBowBow, like the prelude to a bad porno. I am an Exhibitionist, yes- but I am also, sometimes, just a proper spacey dickhead.

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