1. Do you go out of your way to be nice?
Well, first of all, I sort of think ‘nice’ is a bullshit word. I’d rather be compassionate, wise, thoughtful, supportive and kind than nice. I guess ‘nice’ is supposed to encapsulate all of those things but it doesn’t, not really. It’s a niminy- piminy word for strong and admirable character traits.
And no, I don’t go out of my way. I’m incredibly lazy about trying to be a kinder, wiser, more thoughtful, more compassionate and supportive person. I could try a lot harder, but the thing is, if I did I might have to inconvenience myself every now and afuckingain, and God knows I bodyswerve that sort of thing whenever possible.
(note to self: DON’T FORGET you are probably 30 or 40 percent less of an irredeemable scumbag than you think you are)
2. Some time ago people were buried with items they would need in the afterlife, what would you want buried with you so you could use it in the afterlife?
I don’t really believe in the afterlife. Nonetheless, if I’m wrong and it is a thing I would have a photo of my family in case I forgot what they looked like and couldn’t haunt them, a pair of Sennheiser headphones, an eternity’s supply of Diet Coke and a buttplug.
3. What social stigma does society need to get over?
Transphobia. Childlessness and admitting not liking motherhood (two sides of the same counterfeit coin). Also if society could get over its attachment to hegemonic monogamy like, tomorrow, then I would be able to join in with many more office- based conversations.
4. When was the last time you told someone “I told you so.”?
I don’t remember! It’s not something I say very often. Maybe when a friend was semi- convinced someone didn’t fancy them and I saw potential and then they fucked? A better answer to this question than many.
5. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? What did you find?
There is no dignified answer to this question, none, not one. Suffice to say I now block all exes and all ex- metamours on all social media immediately post- breakup as a matter of course.
Bonus: What small seemingly insignificant thing did your parents or someone else say when you were a child that has stuck with you all this time?
When I was little I really hated being told I looked like my father. Mainly because although he was a decent- looking man with a kind and intelligent face, my mother was an extremely pretty woman, physically attractive in a way I knew from a young age that I wasn’t. I’m glad to be able to see my father’s face in mine now, but back then it seemed like an awfully dismissive thing to say to a yong girl.