CN: This post talks about DD/lg and ageplay, and if that’s not for you I will be absolutely delighted if you go and do something other than read what I have to say.
More about Kinkfest! So there were 8 workshop slots over the course of Saturday and Sunday and I made it to 7 of those workshops. The 8th was the mid-afternoon Saturday slot, which I spent in my hotel room, titting about on Twitter and snoozing. I had promised myself in advance I would not try and get to every session and would duck out mid- afternoon if I needed to, which I really did, and I’m extremely proud of myself for sticking to that.
Immediately after breakfast on Saturday we headed for the dungeon- not a sentence I get to type very often, or maybe not often enough- for a session on canes and caning, an excellent way to start a morning. The workshop was a brilliant encapsulation of how to do a caning scene- from warmup, to what tools to use and- vital information for a newbie whether receiving or providing- which not to. The presenter demonstrated various different strokes on a pair of very happy recipients, and his co- presenter also gave some really useful tips on pain management, involving visualisation and breathing. This sparked some really interesting thoughts for me about pain and my relationship to it in a scene where I thought about what it must be like to be a sub who doesn’t enjoy pain but suffers it in order to please their dominant.
I can’t really imagine that- I mean, it’s not that I never have moments in a scene where I might have to employ such techniques, because I definitely do, or that I love and adore every stroke I receive. I’ve read theories about dopamines being released in ten minute cycles, and while I’m no scientist that makes sense to me because there are definitely points in any given session where I can feel as if I need to really breathe in and gather myself, usually shortly before things get floaty and sparkly again.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to endure every moment of a session rather than just a select few of them- I’m glad I don’t have to find out! All in all this workshop was a great way to start my Kinkfest, and left me very amped up about the possiblity of finding someone to make my butt stripy before the weekend was out. (spoiler: I totally did).
Next I moved to another, smaller dungeon (again, would love to type that sentence more often in the future) for a workshop on ageplay. This was always going to be a challenging workshop- it’s a taboo kink, about which I’ve sometimes felt quite conflicted. I definitely identify very strongly with a lot of aspects of the DD/lg dynamic, especially those outlined by Taryn in this post– I’m all about calling my Dom ‘Daddy’ and being given the opportunity to be really deeply vulnerable and also cute! I really dig this- cuteness has never been in my wheelhouse and I want more of it in my life.
I do personally struggle when with the aspects of ageplay which involve tangible signifiers of youth and childhood though- dummies, nappies, blankies etc. That degree of regression is definitely not for me and I really flailed in this workshop because of it- I feel as if in trying to articulate that discomfort I came off as judging the littles in the room for whom their regression is obviously an integral and deeply comforting part of who they are. I hate feeling like I’ve come across as judging someone’s kink because it’s important to me not to do so, and part of the reason why I went to the workshop was to see if I could find some sort of accomodation with the aspects of ageplay that I find fascinating but difficult.
I don’t know if I succeeded, but I do feel like I got a view I’d never had before into ageplay as a kink. We talked about labels, and how they are both useful and limiting, and there was a lot of discussion about how roles are flexible and organic- that some littles express their littleness through sadism, topping and moving into a more caregiving role even while in little space.
It was a very nuanced discussion and I feel like I learnt a lot purely through having my preconceptions challenged. In the end the workshop was regularly a reminder that its okay for some things to go in a big box with a label on it saying ‘not my thing currently/ probably not ever/ and that’s totally fine’, even if I’m pretty into kinks which are very much adjacent.
Lunch was next, and I spent most of it freaking out about getting food in my belly- I ended up going to West Bromwich High Street and buying a baguette and a punnet of berries half as long as my thumb, which I’d unfortunately completely yammed before I got back and could make a lot of terrible innuendoes about the size of my raspberries. Immediately thereafter I had a fairly massive post- lunch energy crash, and so wasn’t in the best space for the Poundland Pervertables session- as devoted as I am to the cause of discovering new and awesome cheapo sextoys it was too much information for a sleepy bear, really.
But I did walk away from the session with a tube of Poundland deep heat (not really very deeply hot at all- when I put some on my inner lip to test for sexy burny painfulness it really just felt like rootbeer flavoured lip balm, which is fine because I love rootbeer). I also learnt that Poundland sell vibrating cockrings for a quid and that, in explicit contrast to the title of the renowned BDSM bible ‘Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns’, you should never whip someone with rose thorns they contain a chemical which can very easily lead to infection if it reaches the bloodstream. The more you know!
And then I was tired, so I had a nap, and it was good.
Still to come: erotic writing, sadism and masochism, and TERROR!