It takes a special kind of stupid to spend two hours looking at porn when you’re on a week long orgasm denial. I am an intelligent woman in many ways, but this is assuredly not one of them.
So horny. Lying naked on my back with my legs spread, flipping the duvet off my thighs so I can feel the breeze on what lies between them. I want to reach down and see how wet I am, but I know if I touch his cunt without permission I’ll have to tell his, and he’ll punish me. Probably by adding days on to the week- long denial He’s already got planned for me. I can’t bear any more days. I don’t know how I’ll manage what I’m promised as it is.
I flip off my back on to all fours. My breasts sway low and brush the cotton sheets, and I arch my back so as to avoid friction against my nipples. They are sensitive, hard for hours, large and dark pink, pinker than I remember somehow. I am constantly aware of my nipples nowadays (his nipples, his breasts, his cunt- all of it, soundly owned) and I can’t remember the last time I pinched them, rolled them between thumb and forefinger. I wish I’d done so more when I could of my own accord- now I have to ask permission, and as a result they’re just *there*, all the time, and it’s maddening.
I rest on all fours, my back arched, leaning on my forearms, in the vain and illogical hope that his cunt might cool down, calm down, if I stick it in the air. A nonsensical plan, and it doesn’t work. I drop my ass to my heels and spread my knees, which just reminds me of a few nights before, riding a dildo, in the dark, my face lit by the blue white glow of a smartphone screen.
That night was the first time he told me he was proud of me. I was edging, and he hadn’t explicitly told me to fuck his cunt with the dildo, so I didn’t. When I told him I was already used to working to explicit instruction he laughed, and the glow in his voice was like the glow of the screen. I think about how that felt, knowing he was proud of me, and imagine the dildo between my legs, sliding in and out. I rock my ass back and forth, reach up and grab a fistful of my hair. My scalp stings, and his cunt throbs, and I have to stop before I slide my hand between my legs and fuck it with my fingers until I come. I musn’t, can’t, come. I have never wanted to more in my life.
I roll over onto my back, lie with my legs spread, feeling the breeze on the wetness between them, and breathe. My eyes are open. I am wide awake.