These past few days without The Adorable Sadist have been quite a revelation. I have missed him profoundly. Sunday was the first day in perhaps five months where we didn’t see each other or speak once on the phone. Since we’ve been together, for about seven of the last 9 months, we’ve spoken every day. We’ve very rarely gone more than three days without seeing each other, I guess.
I’ve missed the way he repeatedly turns to me and says hello, maybe half a dozen times a day, just to acknowledge that we are together and it’s a new moment. I’ve missed the smell of him, of soap and washing powder and dust, the feel of his hand in mine. God, I’ve missed the taste of him, his mouth and his cock, his cum as I lick him clean straight after he’s pulled out of me. The smell of my own pee reminds me of the taste of his, and I miss him.
I miss talking about random shit and him asking me about something and admitting I don’t know the answer and us Googling the thing. I miss reading Wikipedia entries to him, about William Blake, Anne Boleyn’s sixth finger, exploding cactuses full of spiders, Otis Redding, Roman gods.
I miss his fingers in my hair, his arms around my waist. I miss him fucking me, coming up behind me as I’m eating my breakfast, pushing his cock inside me and telling me to carry on eating. I miss his sceptical looks, his stern expression, the solidity of his ‘no’. I miss his laugh, I miss us dancing round the kitchen, asking him for permission to come, him telling me I’m being a bit ridiculous when I am actually being completely ridiculous, the feel of his hand hitting my arse. I miss making him coffee, licking his balls, kissing his feet, trimming his toenails, calling him Sir first thing in the morning.
I miss kissing him and breathing the words I love you into his mouth. I miss everything about him, every inch, every hair, every word. I want every inch of him. I want him to own every inch of me. He does. I want him to continue, for days and weeks and years to come.
He’s back tomorrow, I hope. Im not sure I would have known how much I love him if he hadn’t gone.