image courtesy of IG @toppleandburn CN: extensive discussion of unwanted pregnancy and abortion, alcoholism and trauma In five days time I will be officially menopausal. That is of course providing my period does not in one last act of Kool Aid Guy fuckery decide to start in the next 120 hours, meaning I have…
A Therapeutic Method
I very rarely write anything that could be described as total fiction- most of my writing is at least partly based on sexual experiences I have actually had, even if that’s just a conversation with someone about a fantasy. This story is a very new frontier for me, as it’s written from a male POV…
Hands
For as long as I can remember hands have been my favourite part of the male body: knuckles, fingers, palms, a glimpse of that little bone at the wrist peeking out from under a shirt cuff, just all of it. As a teenager, after a few drunken encounters with boys which were 80% fumbling and…
Leave my orgasms the fuck alone, Bob: orgasm control, and why I hate it
Less than a month after the end of my collaborative masturbation relationship I found myself back in my default state: entirely sexually independent and often unbearably horny. Easily tamped down by the anti- depressants I’ve been on and off for the last few years, my unmedicated libido is a stupid angry animal, and while I…
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Being gagged: a silent love song
I took this picture about 4 years ago now, not many minutes after receiving my very first gag in the post. I told the story of my first gag at a munch recently to an aghast response: I ordered it from Etsy, from a shop in the US selling handmade leather goods. I bought it…
Baby’s first collar: BDSM collars and what they mean
Until last year I’d never owned a collar: I’d worn one for an evening of tomfoolery at a swinger’s club, and another on a Saturday afternoon’s worth of mucking about at a porn cinema in West Berlin. The first time anyone ever put a collar on me was halfway through a very unsatisfactory one night…
Happy Birthday to Me
This photo is an outtake from a set I took for M’s birthday last year. I nearly set fire to my tits and then it turned out he didn’t even like cake. Never mind- the photo still makes me laugh. Here’s to me: never knowingly sensible in my attempts to please bossy men. Another year…
A Thing
So, after three weeks I ended the hiatus in communication with Monster- and ten days later our Thing, whatever it was, was done. I’ve been a bit thrown by my reaction to the whole affair, which has been much more emotional than I’d anticipated. I was very weepy, and beat myself up for being weepy….
Endless March
So I’m back in the doctor’s office. My doctor is kind and affirming and I like her a lot. We talk about how happy I am to be out of the horrendous job with the hateful multinational, a job that I knew I was doing appallingly badly but could not summon the energy to do…